ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
