No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
