What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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