Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
