Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This house was built for laser tag.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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