Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
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