Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
