I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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