my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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