I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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