the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
