ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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