omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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