Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
