I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
