Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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