Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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