im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
