Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
