im six kinds of drunk right now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
