So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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