i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
