Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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