I heard we made out
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
