so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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