ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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