I wish I only lived at night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
