Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
