I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
