in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
