i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
