Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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