Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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