My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want her autograph on my taint
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
