My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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