I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
