You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
