Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
