You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He felt like a one man threesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
