My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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