He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
