please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
