My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
