You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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