he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
