i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We need a shit load of segways right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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