This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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