Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
