Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
