My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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