I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
