Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
